solo shopping voyeurism

Some people eavesdrop shamelessly...Not hard to do in the age of cel phones. I look at what people are buying when grocery shopping. In Eugene, a person's groceries, let alone where they shop is a snapshot of politics, economic status, sometimes ethnicity and adventurism.

One time I found a shopping list left behind in the cart. It read: "oranges, half and half, 2 chickens, bullets." Were they going to hold up the McDonald's after eating? Was the juice a precursor to a violent act? I have always wondered if bullets were in the hardware or the vitamin section.

I needed lard once when making tamales, and was in our town's main organic grocery. I went to the butcher and asked for it; you would have thought I asked for free range baby veal with personal names. He gasped, "We don't often use it but I will see. " Over the loudspeaker came, "will the person getting the LARD please come to the back loading dock. " One would have thought I had admitted to beating small cats. I went, got the lard, threw it into my cart with my politically approved produce and went to the checkout behind two Deadheads....lard clearly in view. It took me a while to return to that grocer.

However, I am most interested when at the checkout. I construct small imaginary tableaux with a cart's contents, trying not to stand too close. Let's see, the young mom, yes, with baby food, champagne, pop tarts, lots of milk and a Redbook. Over there, tall, lanky, with paint overalls, a man picking up frozen pot pies, lager, carton of cigs and a surprise, a case of mangoes. Or, the attorney with cel phone to his ear, unloading roses, chocolate, salmon steaks, asparagus, and hopefully eggs, waffles, and oj for a morning. After? Now that is a dinner I would like to go have.

There are always the mixes, main stream products like Cheerios mixed with hormone free milk and butter, organic rainforest bird-shaded coffee with coca-cola in a 12 pack, Vogue and Mother Jones, Tom's natural tea tree toothpaste with Comet cleanser. People's homes are a blend of organic, affordable, standard long-time American companies, and flashy upstarts. No one blinks an eye, unlike my lard experience. It all goes into the sack. "Would you want plastic or paper? "

This week my grocery cart is more full than usual, buying for family and Christmas. Organic rice cakes, spelt bread, instant oatmeal, more bacon, more treats than I usually buy for myself to snack on.

Usually though, I shop just for myself. And here is a curious thing, I have conversations in my head with myself. What do I want for dinner? My favorite comfort food is something tofu, or inexplicably Stouffer's frozen spinach souffle. Last year, in the throws of being separated in the same house I ate a lot of spinach souffle. I don't even want to buy it now, associating it with great unhappiness, just as I associate red licorice with plane sickness, and tequila with, well, bad tequila in 1972.

Now my comfort food is what ever I damn well want to buy, if I want carbs, so be it. If I want a case of mangoes myself, well, I don't have to serve mangoes to anyone else so why not? I have always wanted certain vegetables, but not gotten them. My family used to say, but Mom, make it if you like it! My husband used to say, if you like fish then cook it, I will make something else. But I couldn't, I felt like I had to, and wanted to, feed the family. He was right, but I felt that if I only bought for myself, I wouldn't be a good mom/wife/cook....how neurotic. And so I put some of my food desires on hold, never having a problem to fill my cart with chocolate, licorice, rice cakes, what everyone else wanted.

So, if someone were to look in MY cart now, they would see a range of spices, produce, natural, organic, bulk, dry, whatever I want. And, the occasional orchid, chocolate, great magazine, and designer soaps. I never buy in ones, no one potato, one carrot. I can't shop for one person only. My shopping list never says bullets, but it does say:" Come eat here. Here is a good cook. Here is a good mom. And here, for you guys behind me in line, is someone you should take out to dinner, or have cook for you. "Take a look at carts, for like library books held by the person in front of you in line, they reveal a lot about people.

Think I will go cruise a different store tomorrow and see what the trends are.