smart girls

I am smart. My girlfriends are smart. And at my age, it still feels sometimes like a punishment. Smart girls don't get the boy, the cuties who are dumb do. Or, at least at from my less than pollitically correct survey show. OK, maybe not dumb, but what IS it? That I am too particular?

I spent yesterday with three women whom I have known in various incarnations, for over twenty years. All are truly accomplished, brilliant in their fields, and interesting women, Between us we have six marriages and several long term relationships. Eight degrees, five children, and untold houses. World travels throughout Africa, Europe, the Middle East, Asia, international publishing, activism, community support, multitudes of languages, musically talented, well read, the list goes on. I had a blast with them.

And tonight I am thinking why I know so many smart women but fewer it seems, smart men. I mean smart in that wide-ranging open-to-try-anything intelligence I felt over lunch yesterday with these women.

This is not a polemic about doing without men. It is not a commentary about why women can do just as well as men, or even manage and not miss them. What I am curious about is why so many of my smart friends have gone through so much. One is in a marriage more of convenience. One is in a long term one, but although adoring, both have thriving careers in differing directions. One has had dramatic upheavals and forges on, not at all interested in men in a relationship issue.Yet men flock around her, and right now she could care less. Too much burn. In my corner, am trying to figure out rejection, even at the early stages of pre-dating, when it does not happen. When that moment to meet, just does not get out of the block because I am "too smart, too urbane, too sophisticated....yada yada. I am told, "it is not me, good luck wish me the best, etc." What in the hell am I supposed to do? Dye my hair blonde? I don't give a rip if that is not correct, I just feel sometimes that I am Barbie's smart older sister, and she is Bianca, I am Katherine,but I do not get the guy first. Taming of the Shrew indeed. How about "You are too sophisticated," is a crap out from men who just don't match up.

Gee, should I not talk about my background? Should I pretend to not know something? I put out what I want, and guess what responded? " You are too urbane for me. " I think that is a cop out. One of my friends wrote me, "don't worry, all will fall into place." I give up, I think men say one thing, but you know what? They really want Barbie. Oh Yeah, Barbie who has never done anything but look adoringly at him.

And so, yesterday, over Greek lunch, after a fun morning at Nordstroms; we discussed politics, travel, education, make up, sex, children, the decline of American institutions, how to cook dolmas, but not once men. Not once did we worry what they were thinking; the woman who had a husband to go home to waiting dinner, the woman waiting for a call to work in East Europe, the woman whose husband was stranded at the airport back east, and me, the woman whose ex was on vacation. We all had mental push pins on our internal maps where they were but that did not stop us from having a great time.

So, right now, tonight, I say to heck with trying to meet someone in this town, this state. Let them all eat cake, I think that my banquet has some men starving to death and that is their own damn fault. They are missing out, that is not sour grapes, it is the truth. And I will not try to hard to mine an expired vein of gold. They can find me, and work for it. Someone will get it, but I sure hope I am around when they come around.

Off to bed. with dogs, and book, and to hell with it.