Asking for directions

The joke goes that men don't ask for directions because they don't want to admit they are lost. Following that vein, I have taken, in the last several years, to trying to do it on my own fix things on my own, asking for help when it absolutely was no other way. Feminism, do it on your own, don't need men, had mutated into don't ask for help in any way. But that construct's old &outmoded and I began, and now realize, that asking help is a gift. It is a gift to ask someone else about their area of knowledge, to receive it. In fact, receiving is a big part of the lesson. Gracefully. In the last few weeks I have had to ask for advice on small appliances, where to get things, and computers which were beginning to develop a mind of their own, cyborg wise. My Pinocchio life, wanting to be a "real girl" was changing into knowing when to ask for help and accepting it. So, I fixed the dishwasher, with e mail discussions about it, and finally on line with a help it site complete with pictures. If only we could solve all our problems on line, the on line shrink, the on line whatever; in fact it is probably more true than not that most questions can be solved on line. But I am not on a desert island or under the pole in a submarine, where all contact is through cyber space. So, some help is face to face, or actual voice on the phone. How far to drive my over heating car? Should I call AAA? Offerc to come up and follow to the garage, check ins it I got there, offers to pick up the dogs since they couldn't ride in my rental car, all this is help. And I try to help back, again checking on the dogs, offering to buy my daughter lunch on her break, offering to go across town to save driving to an event..help. We all need each other, there is no room for animosity or distance except if someone wants you to continue so they can be vicariously part of an argument. Not me, I am learning to ask for directions, from the dishwasher, to the car, to my big big one, finances. I don't know it all, and I am tired of pretending that I do. Most of the people I ask are men, because in a wierd way, when I talk to women and they to me, we don't really ask for help, we chat and learn by comparison. Men don't do that, they get in and get out with how tos, and move on. It is not Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, it is Men are from the Hardward Store, and Women are from the self-help section. That's ok. I was proud to fix some of my own things, I want to be resourceful, but no longer so damned independent. I like being treated like a worthwhile woman, and accepting offers to help, or grace is a way to pay it forward for the many kindnesses I have received.