I tried

Well, I have had a glorious year, discovered that I Liked fishing, basketball, and having fun, dancing, pool etc. etc. etc.
but it is ended.
I tried on someone's life and learned. He tried on mine. It didn't fit. Incompatability of politics, of cultural groups, of music. But who the hell cares. That isn't the real reason. And the hell of it, I don't know what. Did I look sideways; maybe. I ignored two years of inattention as my marriage died, did I do the same?

I tried to be honest as I rejuvinated, rediscovered my sexual self, that at 56 I don't look bad and had fun. This is a great guy. but it didn't work.

But, I have never quit on a person. Is it, limpet like, clinging on? Or is it hope? Or is it belief that it will all work out?

but nooooooooo.......I dont' get the Druid's answer, it is just four days of angst and crying and sucking at teaching and he calls. No go. Why not? But for Christ's sake, I have heard this before, "it is not you it is me." That should be a fucking bumper sticker of the unenlightened. This phrase is a cop-out. And if I hear once more how fabulous I am, I will take a god damu uzi to them, I am tired of being fabulous, smart, beautuful...I want someone who loves me, snoring in the morning.
So fucking there.

I will be nicer to students who cry in my room. And, I will quit teaching in a year. I hate being under-used, under-sexed, under-apprecated, under-educated and under no one. fuck it, I will assert myself. I loved this man, I spoke up, and I ried to be me. not fit. darn. But he is still a good person, and I appreciate his attention after a fucking bad years of drought. But damn,I was just coming into my own.

So, they are out there, the friends, the ex-lovers, the former husbands, the unknowns. And, I hope my daughter doesn't think her mom is a slut. I want happiness, I want to be honest, and I want a warm person next me. It is too bad that it isn't him after I opened my heart