girl's night out

So, it is Friday and I am most definitely not attached. I planned to meet a woman friend at the local restaurant for drinks , some nosh, and visit after work. Then, we were planning to walk to another wine bar for a gathering of an outdoor club.

I love my friend. She is impossibly cute, one of those women who will look perky at 70 and the men will always love. And she is. And she is a good friend. I have been told I am attractive, I dress up well, and look good. But, when I am by her, in a gathering when all are trawling for dates, or checking out the ring finger, I feel like a porpoise. And, eventually it shows. In a room of single and some not single folks we all are competition and the coyotes or hyenas are circling for the kill.

I have always had a good time visiting with her and she me. We confide and share, and both have high standards for ourself, our loves, and our children.

Here's the deal. More than once, sitting there, men come to say hi and look right through me. I become anonymous, and invisible when I am next to her. She knows it is all in her words, "crap' and talk, but it still gets to me. Not so much hurt, but the old men don't make passes at women who wear glasses thing. I have had this imprinted since I was 14. Even if they are Italian designers frames, I am a reasonable size 12, and look 'good for my age'. They . see. through. me. We went to the gathering, I was saying hi and meeting a few folks I recognized. And one man came over started to tell us about his potluck for the group the next evening and quoted the price. And to her, "well you can pay the lower price because you are cute."

What the hell? I quipped, "well, we both should get a lower price because we are new." What I wanted to say was, " Well, you rude son of a bitch, that is not flirting, that is damned objectionable, you are easily 65 with a grey pony tail and a bit pauncy yourself. What the fuck is this discount for cute? Am I ugly. What am I according to you?"

Don't men realize that this type of flirting is antiquated, damned insulting, and demeans? And my friend cannot help it, she just laughs and is sweet and flirtatious but just herself. But it has happened more than once with her and I do shut down. Where are the days of Venice when we all would wear masks at carnivale and then people whould think they knew us? Sunglasses have replaced it, but a size 2 is not a size 12, damn it, blondes have more fun and I just don't get it.

Last year I was appreciated, told I was a woman's beauty and began to appreciate myself. LIke a pawn tipped over, I then move to checkmate muyself with these awkward ploys by idiots. I know it. And it still hurts. It takes courage and adventure and plain grit to get out there, to not sit home to make an attempt to get out. And I know that the men do too. But four men patently ignored me when I tried to say hi. When I go to my food conventions all the men, gay or straight, say hi, I get hugs and give them back. Where are manners? Where is the well-turned phrase? Where indeed, are the gentlemen? I miss Pride and Prejudice, I miss Heathcliff.

Throw me over the sofa and kiss me firmly. Grasp my wrist, put your hand on the small of my back in public and steer me to the table when we meet. Open doors, buy me a glass of wine, be attentive. I hate this damned post liberation you are on your own bit. And walking in with other middle aged women with good clothing, good jewelry, make up, we are all in a cattle call and the bulls are all steers, but they don't know it. If they would just look more than once they would see the room. But no, give a discount to 'cute' and discount her, and me.

to hell with it.