can't dance, don't make me

Well, I can dance, I love it. I loved dancing in the kitchen last year, and when I first married we used to dance. We stopped, or he did, and then I couldn't. Common event. Tonight however, I wanted to go hear some salsa dancing and tried one after another, calls to see if anyone would join me. I felt like the kid on roto dial working his way down the list looking for a prom date. All were busy in one form or another. Then what, stay home because I was alone, thereby reinforcing aloneness? Or go out. And plan safe parking, putting myself in a fun environment so I would not stay home again. I finally did it. I have had conversations the last two days with friends who go to movies alone when they do not have someone to go with and I admired the event. I travel alone, usually on business, and shop alone, but would rather have someone to share the event with. But I have done it, flying alone to India, Turkey, all over the U.S. So what is the big deal about going out alone? My friend last night said, " When the lights are down, you are still alone in the movie theater, who cares?" I do. I want a hand to grab in the dark, someone to laugh with and cringe behind in the scary scenes. And to finger fumble with as we both reach for the popcorn. And tonight, it would have been good to have someone to walk onto the dance floor with to samba. Not that it mattered, because people were dancing alone, but I just can't. I would rather have someone to react to. Yet, I do want to take samba lessons and just may have to, like tonight, go on my own. Years ago, I took myself to rock climbing lessons alone and met my husband. I find that when I start being forthright about myself I do much better and so am glad I went out tonight. I had the chance to not be alone last night but it wasn't the right time, wish it had been tonight. None of this has to do with food, or Turkey, it is not witty, a rant, or swearing, just a record. I went, I listened , I didn't samba. Sort of I smoked, but didn't innhale, I lusted only in my heart, and I danced only inside my shoes. Next time. baby steps, baby dance.